Welcome back again! This post will be about emotional nutrition, specifically about preventing negative childhood beliefs. Now, this may be a brand new concept to many of you, as I know it was new to me until sometime in the last year or so, but it is something I've been very interested in and learning about from Christie Marie Sheldon, Marissa Peer and most recently, Shelly Lefkoe. According to Shelly Lefkoe, one of the most common childhood beliefs learned by age 6-8 is "I'm not good enough." How is this learned? Well, typically with the overuse of the words "good" "bad" "right" and "wrong." How many times a day do you say "Good job!" thinking you're doing the right thing? Well, you may instead be creating an approval junkie. I remember seeing this with my son when he was about 2.5 years old and I was home with him and his nanny. They were coloring and he'd draw a little scribble, look up at her and she'd say "Good job!" and he'd do it again, over and over. She soon wasn't so enthusiastic with her praise. So, what to do instead? Acknowledge the effort, talk about the colors on the page, encourage your child to be proud of his own work instead of needing outside approval. Here is a 50 Ways to Say “Good Job” (Without Saying “Good Job”) for more examples.
Why is this important? Well, it sets up your child to lead their own life rather than what they think Mom or Dad or other key person of importance in their life would approve of. It allows your child to work because they want to and be happy about it instead of trying to make someone else happy. It allows them to make mistakes and learn from them and move forward because they aren't afraid of being "wrong". "Good" "Bad" "Right" and "Wrong" are very subjective words. What is "good" or "right" now may not be in the future as we evolve as human beings. Your child will still learn the concepts of "right" and "wrong" and "good" and "bad" with your commentary and feedback. For example, "Thank you for putting your toys away" instead of an empty "good job" after putting the toys away, they learned it is good and appreciated to put their toys away.
What about if you are that adult who already has this belief or your kids are older than age 6 and may have this belief? Well, don't get mad at yourself or your parents as they did the best they knew how to raise you at the time. Something very simple is to tell yourself "I am enough." Write it on the fridge and the bathroom mirror. Have your smartphone send you a message periodically throughout the day. There is a powerful video on YouTube I watched months ago on this same topic by Marissa Peer who is a famous therapist helping to heal people of this negative belief.
So, how did I come across these teachings? I belong to Mindvalley Academy and follow them on Facebook. Every month or so, a new Masterclass is put on where you learn from these sorts of folks. (Hurry, the next masterclass is Jan 12th with Christie Marie, their most popular teacher.) I also subscribe to their Consciousness Engineering program where you get two new, powerful interviews a month to really increase your consciousness about all aspects of life.
As always, I hope you enjoyed the post and maybe even learned something new!
With love, hugs and smiles,